I am the result of unfinished thoughts
And the product of an incompletion

The finality of
all
that
never
will
be

Intention ignored, purpose unknown
The gray in a black and white frame
Blissfully bound to sedentary goals
Free to never know freedom

I am the result of unfinished thoughts
And the product of an incompletion

I look in your eyes and see what has changed
And see how it tears you apart
By no effort of mine but the passing of time
A crack at the base of your heart
It’s up for debate the onslaught of fate
And how it has changed us now
But we’re nowhere near a place we can cheer
Or a place with some peace somehow

You tell me a truth that seems so aloof
And is filled with inspirational hope
I want to believe that you truly perceive
A future defined by this tempting scope
But your presence so near sure seems to appear
To suggest something just out of time
Your smile is close but what I need the most
Is your soul, your heart, and your mind

Now I do not suggest that our lives are a mess
And that our hearts are destined to fail
Nor that our choices made have been proven to fade
Our hopes into an intemporal jail
Instead I believe that the longing we conceive
Raises us up to an immodest fate
The sacrifice of love to a fate up above
In the end is our intertwined state.

Withheld from me I might find the luxuries of fate
To trust that what’s been written once might be slightly late
To guide me down a path I think holds all the hope I hold
But in the end these desperate dreams might prove a bit too bold
For though I seek a life of peace, with settled soul therein
My hold on whimsy, luck, and grit is no formula to win

The hand of God may guide along my fervent disbelief
That what I seek is something new, and full of this relief
Sought so long by him and her and all those in between
To fancy that our choices made are choices never seen
Pretend for me that will is free and a product of my own
And you might just hear my story told with little to bemoan

I want to want and know it’s true and not predestined fate
Just one more chance to test my life before it gets too late

A mind forever struggling with the ironies of life
Disposes one towards cynicism, laziness and strife
The likelihood of winning this unwinnable affair
Decreases with each day I spend delighting in despair

The thought that choices made are choices permanent
Bears heavy on my hopeful soul, causing great lament
To live a life in parallel, with alter ego strong
Entices with the scent of joy, missing way too long

I turn to this impossible, secondary me
With it’s life of happiness that might not ever be
For in this ghost of me that sometimes might meander
I see a glimpse of peacefulness in all its splendid candor

My forlorn thoughts betray a life that sometimes is okay
But settling is so hard to do when my heart begins to fray
What’s the point of tearing down what never can be torn
And mocking all the things I am that should be justly mourned

I chose this life so long ago that reason starts to fade
Replaced by all the choices that I can’t believe I made
I own my past with all the weight of proper misery
And know that to survive I must consider what might be

My writings beg forgiveness for the life I cannot lead
Suggesting that I might consider what I might now need
While no clear path arises fast from this inward turn
Eventually I must decide the life for which I yearn

I count the days
Until the end
Of my fragile life

Beholden to
An unknown truth
Filled with unknown strife

I choose this way
Because I do not
Know of any other

Though I sense that I
Might one day
Pretend to find another

That my soul is near
A breaking point
Suggests a course awry

Its pain so great, so heavy
so broken
No longer can it cry

Lost among the glints of hope
My future
Screams in pain

I steel it against
Unknown
And wipe away the stain

Do I rise, see the joy
And see
The unmarked road?

Or do I fall, alone again
And keep
My sorrow stowed?

My light, my muse, my breath,

You are the life I want so desperately to know.
I cannot have you, so I will leave for you this journal,
empty and beckoning.

Your life will be filled with challenge and accolade,
and there will be times you feel discomfort.
Know that you succeed so highly because you are you.

You are unique in this world,
but it is a world that tries to bend us.

Please embrace the moments,
however rare they may be,
to sit back in your chair,
in your office,
and remember who you are.

You inspire others,
and will always do so.
But feed your own soul inspiration,
whether it is from the book of poetry I give you,
or it is with a nice pen,
in a nice journal.

Do not lose *you*,
because if I cannot have you,
I want to know that you will always be true to who you are,
and will be both generous with others,
and protective of yourself.

I love you,
and I give you these things so that you may know me,
however far away I am.

If I scar this sheet that wraps my bones, this pale coat of skin
Will it muffle dim the fleeting hopes that simmer deep within?
Will it tear in two, or even more, this contract bound by sin?
Or will it prove my languishing is nothing more than spin?

Does a path appear to those who see in black and white and gray?
Or is this course beholden to the blind who sweep away
The past that often burdens us, and tempts us to the fray
Of tragic truth unbound by lies emboldened more each day?

Where do we find the strength to last through storms of discontent?
When forces mighty swipe at us, allowing sweet ferment.
When confronted with the countless ways in which we must repent
Do we fall to scarred and bloodied knees and weep with great lament?

Or do we find in future’s grasp a beacon from our past?
A moment captured, wrapped in hope, deformed in heavy cast
And held up as salvation in honor of dreams vast,
To spirit soul’s meandering unto its last repast.

If I think of you who travel far, with whimsy as your guide
I feel a tinge of jealousy much too strong to hide.
I wanted once to see the world as you must see it now
Youthful eyes enamored and released from pain somehow.

You seem so full of life and love and unadulterated glee
That I often stop and stare at the remains of what is me.
I could have been the one who climbed atop some far off peak
Finding in that foreign land the languid peace I seek.

A glance aside at those of us who plant our feet so strong
Is the limit of the time you give to those you feel are wrong
To stand in place and be content with dreams unrealized.
To stand in place and find lament behind unkempt disguise.

As you wander through the alleys of a world much too small
And you stop and stare and wonder at the beauty of it all,
I dream about the times I struggled just to stand outside
And imagine that I wasn’t bound by things I hadn’t tried.

With the changing tenor of your life a beacon to my soul
I resign myself to accolades that do not seem quite whole.
The pull of youthful vigor begs a promise I can’t keep
So I set down roots that grow too strong and quickly fall asleep.